Needs
by Vampire Ifurita
Summary: Songfic. Will Hiei figure out his jumbled feelings before it's too late? Shounen-ai, HK.


Needs  
  
I used to be alone. I used to think that my life was worthless. The only bright light in my bleak existence was my sister. I thought emotion was weak. That to feel was to be vulnerable.  
  
// All around me I see what weakness has made //  
  
I thought the only future I'd have to plan for was my inevitable death. Or at least for my next meal. I lived in the moment, I lived to get stronger.  
  
// Too much tomorrow, I think I'll take all today //  
  
Then I met you. You, the infamous one, the breaker of hearts. The thief of all thieves, the cold hearted. I used you, but you used me right back. I was cold to you, I still am, but you just smile it away.  
  
// Am I a poison? Am I a thorn in the side? //  
  
How can you stand me? We're sitting in a café and I'm still being cold to you. I barely listen to you and yet you speak. Why do I keep coming back?  
  
// Am I a picture perfect subject tonight? //  
  
I have never needed anyone, I still don't.  
  
// I don't need nobody //  
  
I am still using you. I say my piece and that is that.  
  
// And I don't need the weight of words to find a way to crash on through //  
  
I don't need you.  
  
// I don't need nobody //  
  
I have a solitary life that has worked so far, and why fix what's not broken?  
  
// I just need to learn the depth or doubt of faith to fall into //  
  
I'm only here with you so that I have something to do.  
  
// Here I slumber to awaken my days //  
  
You seem genuinely happy to spend time in my company. That's why I'm here. To make you happy.  
  
// A fine convenience in this savior I save //  
  
Or is it a mask? Do you spend time with me because you think it makes me happy? Do you listen to me because you think you have to?  
  
// Am I a prison? Am I a source of bad news? //  
  
Or do you really like spending time with me? Like I like spending mine with you.  
  
// Am I a picture perfect reason for you? //  
  
But I don't need you.  
  
// I don't need nobody //  
  
I say very little because I'm afraid I might say the wrong thing and scare you away. What would you do if I said 'I love you'?  
  
// And I don't need the weight of words to find a way to crash on through //  
  
That's not right, I don't love you.  
  
// I don't need nobody //  
  
I don't even know if you care for me. Sure you tease me a lot, but is that how you show your affection?  
  
// I just need to learn the depth or doubt of faith to fall into //  
  
But I don't need you. All I feel is what every creature feels towards you: lust. I want you.  
  
// And in this time of substitute //  
  
All I've ever done is survive. I look at you, you're so happy, chatting and drinking your coffee.  
  
// It's my needs I've answered to all the while //  
  
And yet I still hope that you could care for me.  
  
// And all the hope that I invest //  
  
I might need you. I might need someone in my life. I have openly shown that I trust you. You have shown it back, and more.  
  
// Turns to say my self distress all the while //  
  
I can't need you.  
  
// I don't need nobody //  
  
I can't tell you how I feel.  
  
// And I don't need the weight of words to find a way to crash on through //  
  
But my days are bleak without you.  
  
// I don't need nobody //  
  
Will you show me a sign?  
  
// I just need to learn the depth or doubt of faith to fall into //  
  
You call my name. I look at you dazedly. A crooked smile graces my lips. "Are you even paying attention to me?" you ask. Your hands are on top of mine. I shake my head in the negative. You sigh. "I said 'I care about you'," you tell me. Your words echo in my head. You care. My eyes glaze over.\  
  
// You're all I need. //  
  
I can think of nothing else but your words. I do love you; I just wouldn't admit it to myself.  
  
// When the water runs deep //  
  
You've always been there. You're my fighting partner, and my friend. You're all I need to beat down my enemies.  
  
// You're all I need //  
  
I come to the profound thought of you being all I need. I look up to find you gone. I never even saw you leave.  
  
// Now I cry myself to sleep //  
  
How long did I sit there alone before wandering out of the café? How long has it been since I've seen your beautiful face? It's been three days. I haven't seen you in three days. I've slept in a tree in the park where we always meet for three days. I haven't had a good night sleep since you left me. I couldn't stop crying. Tears slide down my cheeks and then crystallize into gems. I carefully put them into my pocket with the others.  
  
// You're all I need //  
  
How could I have been so stupid?! You said you cared and yet I didn't listen to you.  
  
// You're all I need //  
  
I am going to you. I have stall and wallowed in self-pity for long enough. I may be too late, but you need to know. You need to know almost as much as I need to tell you. I run for your house. Please have waited for me.  
  
// You're all I need //  
  
I climb the tree outside your window. I walk to the end of the branch and look into your window. At first glance you appear to be studying, but at closer inspection I can see that you are crying. Have you been crying all this time, the same as me? I tap the window, more than a little nervous. Your head shoots up and your bloodshot eyes turn to look at me. I have my hands in my pockets and my reddened red eyes are downcast. You open the window to me, and then back away. I step in. "What do you need Hiei?" you ask me. I take a deep breath, your tone is harsh. I can hardly blame you. "// You're all I need // ," I tell you as I empty my pockets of the precious gems I have collected. You stare at me, and then at the gems. You know I don't cry. My face is still downcast. Your hand lifts my chin so that you care look into my tearstained eyes. "I love you too," you whisper as you wrap your arms around me. You pull back momentarily and then bring your lips to mine.  
  
Authors pathetic notes: Well, this technically is my first songfic. Um, let me know what you think. I got one review from when it was on paper in my sloppy handwriting, but I love hearing what all of you have to say about it. This fic is based on the song "Needs" by "Collective Soul" off their "Dosage" cd. I personally love this cd, but it's your opinion that counts and not mine (about the cd). 


End file.
